I forgot.

I can't remember when was the last time I could say I was absolutely free.

Free from shackles that chain people to life.

As philosophical as it may sound, adult life is a billion times harder then the blind freedom of childhood.

I thought I would never ever say such a thing, but when it's right in your face, you cannot deny it...

Life is still as stress as ever, and with the fast paced world rushing around you, the last thing you need is to get your computer to breakdown.

I'm getting the grip of how this entire job functions.

Only the strongest actually survive to become directors. It's like an arena-like job. You go in and get killed. Psychologically, Physically and Spiritually.

You either cling to your dreams for dear life, or just die (leave).

I'm a loner.

I think most people who are more-or-less closer to me would have realised that by now. - It's almost a chore to try to make me turn up for unnecessary events and functions.

Selfishness aside, my motto is - if I'm not good enough for myself, I'm not good enough for anybody.

I believe that work life (spirituality aside) functions with a hierachy like this:

1) Foundation (50%):

Reality forms the base of foundation. If you cannot afford to live, you cannot afford to do anything.

2) Drive (25%):

How much interest and incentive you give yourself to do something pushes your life to form an opaque meaning. This goes for everything, work, play, socializing and even sleeping. Frankly speaking, if you don't have a drive to sleep, you get into all sort of problems AND solutions.

i.e. A person who has too much drive to sleep has low productivity. Whilst a person who has too little drive to sleep is prone to emotional and mental instability.

3) Dreams (25%):

Dreams are good, to a certain extent. They draw out a huge path of possibilities for your future. They support your drive and might even support feasibility in a good foundation. However, dream too much and you become a dreamer. Stop dreaming and you loose everything it means to be human.

Of course, there is ethical and social issues to consider as well.

damm. dunno why I'm thinking so much.

I've got 3 more episodes to read and I'm still goofing around blogging.

anything to escape work huh.

my drive is currently at 10%

my dream is currently at 0%

foundation is probably about 30%

upon hundred, about 40%. Still a failure job.

I should just give up and go on looking.

heh.

I guess not. Something inside me bugs me to continue on and see if I can withstand this sadistic torture for the sake of it.

=/